Benevolent and Fierce Fragments of Yourself Everywhere Existing, Part One.
Updated: Dec 6, 2020
I am the field of all happening, the placeless place it all happens.
My inner life is all happenings - all the images, perceptions, feelings and word-forms that compose the world, alighting in my mind’s eye, this skin, flesh and bone, these senses and heart texturing , appearing vivid and gone, becoming into the next, a magic as common as breath.
We are, you are, every body are, this same field of all happening. Each an utterly singular outlook, embodied now and here. And seeing from now and here, filtered through then, being a unique universe, awake. Simply by experiencing. The universe is an experiencing. And every being is that experiencing, feeling universe, gazing at the infinite varieties of itself from a particular locale, a fully occupied intersection of space-and-time.
Fully embodied, this experience is aloneness. I can describe it to you. We can each experience our own experience of an event and communicate that simultaneous experiencing. But the bittersweet mystery is that we can never completely share an experience. Unknowable reach of me, being a universe fielding and feeling all beings, intimately.
But it doesn’t have to be lonely being me - a field of all happening, a wide open welcoming - tender, permeated and permeating, impacted and impacting by all beings. You and we and them are a happening within my field of all happening, all of their fields of all happening: what you have said and done and thought and felt, are saying, doing, thinking and feeling - all touching, shaping, influencing, and echoing within each other and you and me. Living on through each other and that living on through each other living on through others. Reverb chamber of our inescapable, multi-directional intimacy.
For example, on that shimmering night, the soul-deep kiss I received. Penetrated through my trauma-woven shroud of low self-esteem. That penetrating through that gave room for my affection to come through to you and them, echoing within you and them and back again, boomeranging. Testifying to how we are, an intercourse of existing. Mirrors reflecting mirrors that reflect. My reflecting on what you are saying and doing, how you are showing up, that reflecting a force that is shaping me. And my reflecting self happening in your field of happening, shaping you. Cosmoses enfleshed, total, embracing everything, shaped of echo’s impact and feedback of dream-like deeds past and now unfolding.
Who am I in this kaleidoscopic reality? I am playing many roles. Many roles are playing me. I’m being seen in so many ways: as a friend, a lover, a monster, an authority, a fool. I’m seeing myself through my eyes and seeing myself through theirs. An enemy, an angel, an ally. A student, a nuisance, a sibling, a tool.
My identity always undergoing transforming within our reverberating chambers of happening- your and their reflections reflecting my way of being and its impacting back into me. A mercurial and shifting and intercreating identity. My mood and yours and theirs and the times and the place and my social intersection - refracting and co-enacting the real-time happening of how we see and be ourselves. And this real-time refracting and enacting identity impacting my well being and yours and theirs. Unconscious, this identity is my well-being, our well-being, theirs. Ugly echoes of prejudice through renewal shared and continuing. Bright beams of self-respect and dignity shining through despairing, optimism ongoing, transmitted through everyday relating.
It is within this inescapable intimacy that awareness work is rising up - a way within all of this to be free.